Anyone who has any experience at all on the nofap path knows right away that relapses can happen often and for a myriad of reasons. Some of the most obvious reasons relate directly to lust and our habitual or addictive exposure to illicit images through pornography, as well as via social programming through the sexualization of selling every product under the sun.
Aside from lust, everybody knows that our everyday routines create many opportunities for stress to accumulate in our central nervous system where it may sit until something triggers the release of all that trapped energy. If you are like me what happens is this, at the end of a day in which we may have had some difficulty with our jobs, financial matters, relationships etc, as our minds attempt to calm down, we replay our problems of the day in our minds. Of course this is very unpleasant, especially when we would rather not keep facing the same problems, which never seem to go away anyway, but then a flickering light in the form of escapism pops into our heads. Like a whisper in our ear, it starts off softly like, “it is okay if you edge a little bit…”. But the voice grows in strength and before you know it we are completely out of control and either conjuring images of porn in our minds or we actually start looking for porn on the internet, and, in the end, we have lost all our will power and the relapse is in full effect.
The above example has happened to all of us at one time or another. However, the fact that we are relapsing and start fapping again should lead us to examine our behavioral patterns much more closely. For example, it has been my experience that whenever I used to fap all the time, I inevitably found myself moody, depressed and pretty lost in terms of my overall direction on life, not to mention the fact that my motivation levels to change myself were always near zero. I am sure I am not alone in feeling the aforementioned effects of habitual masturbation and porn.
In my deep reflection of why exactly it used to be so difficult for me to quit fapping, I have come to the firm conclusion that we are caught in the psychological attitude of “self-defeat”. Now, mind you, this is something very subtle, we do not feel this at gross levels, no way. It is not as if we look into the mirror and we see the words self-defeat tattooed across our foreheads, no, it is much more hidden than that. However, as we examine our psychological nature and look at what elements are at play within our minds we can begin to unravel the knot of “self-sabotage”. I am speaking from experience here, as when I recall how I have relapsed myself it was always triggered by a thought deep inside me telling me that all the work and effort that I had been putting into creating a better life for myself was not worth it. It is a like a split-second decision which happens so fast that many of us miss it.
There are many reasons why these self-defeating thoughts enter our minds. First among them is that we have have conditioned our hearts, minds and bodies to betraying our true authentic self, which is unconditional love in the form of our human body. So because we are so disconnected from our true nature of love, we engage in all sorts of habits that further take us away from love and respect for who we are. Have we ever stopped to think about the real abuse that takes place when we use our divine mind and fill it with horrid lustful images of other souls out of mere entertainment? Have we questioned why we push our bodies, specifically our sexual organs, to produce more orgasmic pleasure in our hearts, minds and bodies leaving us feeling empty and lost inside?
I understand very well the concept of giving up on yourself. I had been giving up on my self for most of my life. I never tried in school, at work or in any of my relationships. Can you imagine spending most of your life never living up to your full potential all because you are afraid of giving up an abusive habit like fapping? Learn from me please, do not waste your life chasing after another fleeting experience of pleasure only to come crashing down and burning into the shadow side of yourself without ever realizing just how lost we all are. It is like living as if we are dead inside because we are constantly releasing our vital “God-force” through fapping and lust.
So why do we end up relapsing and going back to fapping? It should be abundantly clear by now… we utterly lack love for who we are. This lack of love for ourselves plays itself out in how we treat others around us, how we treat our friends, family and neighbors. Yet, again, I would ask us all to question exactly why we lack this love, especially since everybody is looking for it. Love is the motivation behind everything we do, whether it is actually felt as love or not. We are all either running away from love, self-destructive habits, or we are doing our best to “find” love somewhere on the outside, still chasing illusions!
Nofap is such a beautiful path and solution to these problems because it supplies us with the tools we need to finally find that love, but not outside in our external environment, but right here within our Divine hearts, minds and bodies. The longer we keep our streaks going the more this all loving Christ-energy can open our minds to all the beauty we possess inside. Once we get to this stage we can clearly see that fapping was was never worth it. Therefore, we create a new desire to keep our sexual energy working on us from within by illuminating our true nature, which, in the end, is all about unconditional love.